Attraction
by firelitdreams
Summary: American Idol Fic: Adam Lambert/Tommy Ratliff. I need to figure out what happened last night fast. The fact that I'm completely naked makes it mostly clear really, but why? Well, I know why, but what made me decide it mattered last night.


I opened my eyes slowly, head throbbing. How much did I drink last night? I look around the room, where the hell am I? It's familiar, but definitely not my bedroom. I need to get out of this bed and figure out where the hell I am right now. Before whatever girl I left with last night comes back and figures out I have no idea who she is. How the hell much did I have to drink last night anyway?

Rolling myself into a sitting position, legs on the floor, I scan the room for my pants. Getting dressed was a good start, right? "Fuck," I mutter, my eyes widening as I see the jacket folded neatly across a chair on the other side of the room. I know that jacket, I've seen it hundreds of times. This can't be right. I would never…I'm not…it's not even possible, he wasn't…

"You're awake."

Fuck. Apparently it is possible, because Adam is standing in the doorway holding a mug of, what I assume is, coffee. He's smiling at me.

"Coffee?" Adam extends the mug toward me. I take it gratefully. I need to figure out what happened last night fast. I certainly can't ask him. The fact that I'm completely naked makes it mostly clear really, but why? Well, I know why, but what made me decide it mattered last night? "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I take a sip of the coffee. I need to clear my head. Figure this all out. Adam was still staring at me like he expected me to…I don't even know what he was expecting. I look around the room slowly, taking in the clothes scattered on the floor, mine and his. I look everywhere but at him, awkward doesn't even begin to cover how this morning is turning out.

"Because you look like the only thing stopping you from bolting out of here is that hangover," Adam says trying to keep things light but the concern is obvious in his tone.

He wasn't wrong, really. If I thought I wouldn't be sick if I stood up right now I'd be running out the door as fast as I could. Worry about my job and friendship with Adam later, probably best not to answer him right now, so I just watch him as I drink my coffee.

"Look, why don't you shower," he suggests. "I'll see what I have for breakfast."

I nod and set the empty mug on his nightstand. Showering is good, so is eating. Well, eating doesn't really sound good but not eating will only prolong this hellish hangover. So I stand up slowly and head toward the bathroom while Adam leaves the room, I assume to head back to the kitchen, empty coffee mug in hand.

I finally manage to get into the shower. Still moving slowly, hoping not to further embarrass myself by being sick. I let the water wash over me, still trying to figure out what happened last night, how I ended up in Adam's bed, naked. My head is finally starting to clear a little and flashes of memory are coming back.

_iI was standing on Adam's front porch, banging on his door. It was three in the morning. The door swung open, Adam was in the doorway, hair a mess and eyes still dull with sleep. He was wearing sweat pants that were riding low on his hips. I stared at him, eyes wide, I didn't expect him to look so…_

_"Tommy?" Adam said sleepily. "What's wrong? Why are you…"_

_I didn't let him finish his question before I grabbed his head and pulled it down to mine, pressing my lips to his. I could feel his body stiffen in shock. I tried to ignore it and just pressed closer, moving my lips against his, trying to deepen the kiss. I'd waited too long, trying to work up the nerve to do this. I wasn't going to let his shock stop me now. Adam must have snapped out of his surprise because he's pushing me away now. _

_"What the fuck?" Adam said, grabbing my arm and pulling me inside. Slamming the door closed behind us. _

_"I want you." _

_"You're high," Adam said, still holding me away from him._

_"No," I insist, still trying to get closer. "Just a couple beers."/i_

Oh God, I showed up here on my own to fuck Adam. Where the fuck did that come from? A couple beers? No way did I do that on just a couple beers. That just wasn't right. My memory is still too sketchy though, but I need to remember more before I go to face Adam again. I tries to concentrate on the memories from last night.

_iAdam slammed me against the wall. Lips on mine, forcing his tongue into my mouth. Okay, force is probably overstating it. I was hardly fighting him off. I was here because I wanted this. I wanted Adam and all that talking, arguing with him about being drunk and not knowing what I was doing was finally over. I was getting what I wanted, I wasn't about to fight it. _

_"You're sure this is what you want?" he asked, hand sliding down to squeeze my cock through my pants, while his other hand, held my head, forcing me to look at him. "We can stop right now, sober you up and send you home."_

_I reached for him again, trying to force his mouth back on mine. I may have made some unintelligible sounds, as I pushed my hips forward, pressing into his hand. Of course I wanted this. He must have taken it as a yes, because his mouth slammed back down on mine. His hips grinding against me, as he began tugging on my shirt, pulling it up. My hands ran over his back and chest, wanting to get closer. _

_"Bed?" I moaned. Adam backed away, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward his bedroom. /i_

I step out of the shower and quickly dry myself off, before searching for a comb to at least make an attempt at making my hair presentable. I don't remember much else after I got here last night. Mostly just feelings, and bits of memory of Adam's mouth on me, of Adam sliding into me. Mostly it's just a blur of lust. I could stay in here and try to do more with my hair, it's not like Adam would object to my using his hair products but it's such an obvious avoidance ploy.

I go back to the bedroom to find my clothes, or at least pants. I still don't know how I ended up here but at least I know what happened, mostly. I remember going to the club last night with friends. Then there was that girl, what was her name? Not that it matters really, I never did know more than her first name. I had been drinking, but I'd been honest with Adam last night. Only two beers. I was sure of that now.

"Tommy?" Adam's voice sounded far off, he must still be in the kitchen. "Everything okay?"

"Fine," I shout back and immediately regret it when it sends shockwaves through my head. I reach for my pants from next to the bed. "I'll be right there."

**~~**~~**

Adam set a plate of food and a mug of coffee in front of me, as well as a bottle of aspirin. I know I should say something, but I have no idea where to start. So I just stay silent and take the aspirin and begin eating.

"Are you ready to tell me what the hell last night was about?" Adam asked. I looked up to see him leaning against the counter eyeing me closely, as if he expects the answer to just appear if he stares long enough. "Not that I'm complaining, pretty boys showing up at my door in the middle of the night is never really a bad thing but…"

Okay, he obviously expects me to say something now. Staying quiet and avoiding wasn't an option anymore. "I just," I began and stopped, what do I say? For the first time since I was, like, fifteen I got totally wasted on two beers and decided to act on an attraction I'd be successfully ignoring for months? Had to act on it so badly in fact that I searched him out in the middle of the night. Yeah, that wasn't going to work. "I wasn't lying last night, only had two beers."

"Okay."

Obviously, that wasn't enough of an explanation because Adam was still looking at me way too intently. He wanted more. "I don't know what to say," I finally admitted. "I don't know why I came here. No, I think it was clear why I came here. I just don't know why i_last night/i_. I wasn't even close to drunk. I was at the club talking to this girl, we danced and I was having fun, then next thing I knew I was here, pounding on your door. I don't even really remember much of anything from last night, it's all a blur."

"Tommy, that doesn't make sense," Adam said, moving from the counter and sitting down across from me. "You were definitely not sober last night."

"I know. But I can't remember anything other than bits and pieces after things after I showed up here. Which I still don't understand how that even happened." Even as I said the words a flash of a memory floats through my head.

_iWe walked off the dance floor, laughing. She told me she'd go get us drinks and I went back to our table. She handed me a beer a few minutes later, kissing me as she sat down. /i_

I vaguely remember drinking the beer, or starting to anyway. Nothing after that. God, was I really stupid enough to let someone slip something into my drink. But it has to be what happened. There's no other explanation for his behavior last night.

"I can't tell you why." Adam sighed, "But you were…insistent. I don't usually…you're straight."

I resisted the urge to tell him that obviously isn't completely true. I could've told him that before last night though. I've only slept with women, but Adam's not the first man I've been attracted to. However, now's not the time. I'm also not sharing the information that I may have been drugged. He so doesn't need to know that I was that stupid. "I didn't do anything I didn't want to do, Adam."

"So, what now?" Adam asked. "Was this a one-time hook up? You go back to being straight now?"

I really don't know how to answer that. Did I want it to be a one-time thing? Was I ready to admit to being bi? Even if I tell him I'm bi, do I want a relationship with Adam? There are so many ways that can go horribly wrong, I work for him. I have no idea how to answer his questions so I'll ask my own. "What do you want it to be?"

"Me?" Adam said pushing himself away from the table and pacing the kitchen. "Why the fuck is this my decision?"

"It does affect you too." I was getting angry and I didn't know why. Adam has every right to be annoyed. He's not the one that showed up at my front door.

"I didn't know any of this was even an option until last night. Until you kissed me I thought you were my _straight_ bassist. Cute but off limits. Now you're telling me to decide what I want from this?"

"I don't know what I want," I admit. "It's not like this was all planned. I was drugged and obviously things I was feeling that I didn't intend to…"

"Drugged? Do you remember something?"

Fuck. I hadn't meant to say that. "I don't know for sure, she brought me my second beer and that's when the night got fuzzy."

"So your coming here was drug induced?" Adam asks. "It had nothing to do with me, you were just horny?"

The easy way out of this is to agree with him. It was about the drug. I just wanted to screw someone, and ended up here. But that wasn't the truth, if that's all it was about I would've left with that girl or some other girl or hell, guy at the club. No need to drive forty-five minutes to Adam's house for a quick fuck.

"The drugs may have been what got me here," I finally say. Lying wasn't going to work and I couldn't stand the hurt look in his eyes. "But I chose you. It's not like I had to come all the way out here to get laid. I wanted you."

"So what do we do with this?" Adam asks again. I still don't have an answer.

"I have to decide, don't I?"

"Yeah, you really do," Adam says, sitting down across from me again. "Not right now if you don't want to, but this your choice."

"It's about both of us though," I point out. "I shouldn't decide alone."

Adam sits there and just looks at me for the longest time. He's obviously trying to find a way to tell me what he wants without really pressuring my decision at all so I wait for him to figure it out.

"There is nothing I'd like more than for this to be something, Tommy," he finally says quietly. "I like you. A lot. But I'm okay with this being a one-time thing too."

"I really don't know what I want it to be," I admit, not looking at him. "This wasn't a rash drug induced choice. I wanted you before last night. I've been attracted to guys before and just didn't…I can't make a decision right now. If you were a girl I wouldn't be ready to jump into some big relationship because of one night, and this is a whole new thing. And the press and fans and…"

"Slow down." Adam's hand is on my shoulder. "I'm not asking you to decide if this is forever. I'm certainly not ready to make that choice either. I'm only asking if you want to pretend the last eight or so hours never happened or if you'd like to maybe try a date or two? See where it goes."

I look up slowly. I definitely don't want to pretend it didn't happen. I'm not sure what I want from him though, but I suppose his option of a couple dates would be good. "I think option number two might work. Just take this all slowly, see what happens."

Adam was smiling at me. Maybe this could all work out for the best. Right now I just wanted to focus on his smile and the relief of not hiding the attraction anymore. I'd worry about the other things, the weirdness that could happen if it doesn't work, telling my friends and family, the fans and press reaction, all of that, later.

The end.


End file.
